I picked out a pet dog at the RSPCA, but the assistant said, "That one's reserved!" I said I'll take it, I'm not much of a conversationist myself.
#dadjoke

A child asked me why I make noises when  I stand up.
I told him it's because I'm a groan man. #dadjoke

A dad joke, if your dad is a science teacher

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I needed at the supermarket like coming home from the supermarket! #dadjoke

People who don't eat gluten are really going against the grain.

That first time a middle-aged man sits on the toilet, on top of his sagging nut-sack.
#DadJoke #DadJokes
#AgingGratefully #Aging

Bonus #DadJoke
Q: What's another name for a baby adoption center?
A: The Stork Market.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

When you see the Catholic conclave sending up white smoke, and you realize that it's just Taco Tuesday.
#DadJoke #DadJokes
#TacoTuesday

Do passenger pigeons need to show tickets to conductor pigeons?

#DadJoke #MomJoke

Today, arriving home from errands, I said, in typical rhyme style, "I go to pee; it's a necessity."

My darling wife topped my effort by retorting, "It's a necessipee."

Q: Why do optometrists make such lousy lovers?
A: Because they keep asking, "Better like this, or better like this? Better like this, or better like this?"
#DadJoke #DadJokes

This is part of a rather cool street art installation of star constellations set into the pavements around the Broomielaw in Glasgow, and I had to go and ruin it with this rather poor visual pun!

q. what is it called when you sneak up on a pig?

a. hambush

Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.