When I was 21 I was told that pregnancy could (and probably would) kill me AND that I was likely infertile.

I asked to have my tubes tied & was told “you’re too young. You may change your mind & want kids.”

on reproductive health, bodily autonomy & misogyny in medicine.

First off - this was devastating news at such a young age. I had stage 4 endometriosis, a tipped uterus, adenomyosis & other health issues that made pregnancy unlikely AND dangerous.

I was told in the event I became pregnant - they would have to recommend termination.
Abortion would ALSO be risky to my health - though less risky than carrying a pregnancy to term.

Given the threat it seemed perfectly reasonable to request a more fail safe method of birth control (tubal ligation).
I was having laproscopic surgery anyways to try and remove some of the endometriosis - so they were literally already going to be operating. Tying my tubes was a negligible risk compared to the rest of the surgery.
Imagine my shock when I was informed they wouldn’t do it because I might change my mind and want kids.

I asked them whether my “changing my mind” would change my prognosis or their recommendation. Nope. They would still recommend termination.

This was the first time I truly understood how deep misogyny and patriarchal values ran in medicine. My theoretical ability to bear children - whether I wanted them or not and whether it was safe or not - was more important than my health and my life.

It was infuriating. An IUD wasn’t an option for a myriad of reasons so I was stuck on hormonal birth control that I didn’t tolerate well. I was also getting sicker from the endometriosis & adenomyosis… and it quickly became clear a hysterectomy would be best for me.

Given doctors weren’t willing to entertain a tubal ligation - you can only imagine how they felt about a hysterectomy. Same tired arguments about how I could change my mind, I was too young, what if I met a man who wanted kids blah blah blah.

I got these responses from male and female physicians - all of whom were willing to let my health significantly deteriorate rather than “make me barren”. None of whom listened to what I wanted to do with MY body.

I continued to push for surgery because I knew it was what I needed - and was forced to undergo multiple psych evaluations. I heard everything from “don’t you want to be a mother” to “what if you meet the man of your dreams & he leaves you because you can’t have kids?.”

How is it appropriate to ask ANY woman these questions? Let alone a woman who has been told - repeatedly - that pregnancy would put her life in jeopardy? It was as though they thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t want to risk my life for a hypothetical baby. 1/2