The Onion<p>Netanyahu: ‘These So-Called Genocide Experts Have Probably Never Committed A Genocide In Their Lives’</p><p>JERUSALEM—In response to an independent United Nations inquiry concluding that Israel is committing an ongoing genocide against Palestinians in Gaza, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu issued a defiant statement Thursday in which he criticized the commission’s findi…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/netanyahu-these-so-called-genocide-experts-have-probably-never-committed-a-genocide-in-their-lives/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/netanyahu-these-s</span><span class="invisible">o-called-genocide-experts-have-probably-never-committed-a-genocide-in-their-lives/</span></a></p>
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#TheOnion
10 posts · 7 participants · 3 posts today
The Onion<p>Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From</p><p>LONDON—Claiming that he recognized the member of the royal family, but his memory was hazy, President Donald Trump has spent his entire trip to the U.K. trying to figure out where he knows Prince Andrew from, sources confirmed Thursday. “Who is that guy? His face seems so familiar,” said Trump, p…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-spends-entire-u-k-trip-trying-to-figure-out-where-he-knows-prince-andrew-from/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/trump-spends-enti</span><span class="invisible">re-u-k-trip-trying-to-figure-out-where-he-knows-prince-andrew-from/</span></a></p>
Adam ♿<p><a href="https://aus.social/tags/BoostPlease" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>BoostPlease</span></a></p><p>Does anyone in Australia want many physical copies of <a href="https://aus.social/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>TheOnion</span></a>? Just pay postage.</p>
The Onion<p>Tom Cruise Buys Fitbit To Help Him Get 10,000 Daily Stunts</p><p>CLEARWATER, FL—Explaining that his personal health was everything to him, Tom Cruise told reporters Thursday he had purchased a Fitbit to help him get in his 10,000 daily stunts. “Now that I’m getting older, it’s more important than ever to make sure I’m staying active, whether that’s going on a leisurely sprint across a crumbling […]<br>The post Tom…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/tom-cruise-buys-fitbit-to-help-him-get-10000-daily-stunts/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/tom-cruise-buys-f</span><span class="invisible">itbit-to-help-him-get-10000-daily-stunts/</span></a></p>
🌈 ☯️Teresita🐧👭<p><a href="https://techhub.social/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>TheOnion</span></a> <a href="https://techhub.social/tags/6B" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>6B</span></a></p>
Tessiah-Elise (has aches)<p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://mastodon.social/@QasimRashid" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>QasimRashid</span></a></span> also in the news "Dismembered woman ruled a suicide."</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>NIH Director’s Pulsing Neck Tumor Announces Cancer Research Cuts</p><p>The post NIH Director’s Pulsing Neck Tumor Announces Cancer Research Cuts appeared first on The Onion.<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/nih-directors-pulsing-neck-tumor-announces-cancer-research-cuts/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/nih-directors-pul</span><span class="invisible">sing-neck-tumor-announces-cancer-research-cuts/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk</p><p>NEW YORK—Insisting your fate was sealed the moment you clicked the link, a report released Tuesday found that you will be fired for reading this headline about Charlie Kirk. “Shortly after you navigated to this article, your IP address was logged and your supervisor approved the decision to remove you from your position,” the r…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/report-you-to-be-fired-for-reading-this-headline-about-charlie-kirk/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/report-you-to-be-</span><span class="invisible">fired-for-reading-this-headline-about-charlie-kirk/</span></a></p>
RamenCatholic 🐢🌈<p><a href="https://mindly.social/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>TheOnion</span></a> is dropping the mic on society again. </p><p><a href="https://theonion.com/bombshell-wall-street-journal-investigation-finds-tyler-robinson-once-had-trans-uber-driver/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/bombshell-wall-st</span><span class="invisible">reet-journal-investigation-finds-tyler-robinson-once-had-trans-uber-driver/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Bombshell ‘Wall Street Journal’ Investigation Finds Tyler Robinson Once Had Trans Uber Driver</p><p>ST. GEORGE, UT—As questions continue to swirl regarding the motive behind last week’s assassination of Charlie Kirk, The Wall Street Journal published a bombshell investigation Monday that suggests alleged gunman Tyler Robinson, 22, once had a transgender Uber driver. “In its tho…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/bombshell-wall-street-journal-investigation-finds-tyler-robinson-once-had-trans-uber-driver/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/bombshell-wall-st</span><span class="invisible">reet-journal-investigation-finds-tyler-robinson-once-had-trans-uber-driver/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter’s Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases</p><p>WASHINGTON, UT—As he described a massive backlog of murders that continued to stump the agency he leads, desperate FBI director Kash Patel reportedly asked the family of alleged Charlie Kirk assassin Tyler Robinson on Monday if they could solve any other cases. “You showed a real knack for catching criminals whe…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/desperate-kash-patel-asks-shooters-family-if-they-can-solve-any-other-cases/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/desperate-kash-pa</span><span class="invisible">tel-asks-shooters-family-if-they-can-solve-any-other-cases/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>U.S. Citizenship Test To Include 4-Year Imprisonment Section</p><p>WASHINGTON—Stating that the country’s naturalization process was “highly outdated,” White House officials announced Thursday that the U.S. citizenship test would now include a four-year imprisonment section. “Starting this month, all prospective citizens must complete a portion of the exam in which they will be forcibly detained, denied a fair…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/u-s-citizenship-test-to-include-4-year-imprisonment-section/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/u-s-citizenship-t</span><span class="invisible">est-to-include-4-year-imprisonment-section/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Trump Claims He Can’t Be Expected To Remember Every Birthday Card He Sends To Child Molesters</p><p>WASHINGTON—Stressing that it was unrealistic to think he would recollect one such letter out of the vast number he has written in his lifetime, President Donald Trump told reporters Tuesday that he shouldn’t be expected to remember every single birthday card he has sent to child…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-claims-he-cant-be-expected-to-remember-every-birthday-card-he-sends-to-child-molesters/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/trump-claims-he-c</span><span class="invisible">ant-be-expected-to-remember-every-birthday-card-he-sends-to-child-molesters/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Lab Rat</p><p>The post Lab Rat appeared first on The Onion.<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/lab-rat/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">theonion.com/lab-rat/</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>
The Onion<p>DOGE Employees Dig Up Arlington National Cemetery</p><p>ARLINGTON, VA—In an initiative they described as a vital part of their effort to cut federal spending, officials at the Department of Government Efficiency reported Wednesday that they had dug up Arlington National Cemetery. “The American people gave the president a clear mandate to fight waste, fraud, and abuse by removing the freeloading corpses buried in […]<br>Th…<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/doge-employees-dig-up-arlington-national-cemetery/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/doge-employees-di</span><span class="invisible">g-up-arlington-national-cemetery/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Stephen Miller’s Forehead Vein Lunges Out To Catch Passing Bird</p><p>The post Stephen Miller’s Forehead Vein Lunges Out To Catch Passing Bird appeared first on The Onion.<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/stephen-millers-forehead-vein-lunges-out-to-catch-passing-bird/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/stephen-millers-f</span><span class="invisible">orehead-vein-lunges-out-to-catch-passing-bird/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Congress Plays Keep-Away With Child’s School Lunch</p><p>WASHINGTON—After entering a school cafeteria in D.C. and wrenching a brown paper bag from the hands of a small child, U.S. senators and representatives taunted a 7-year-old student and played keep-away with his lunch, sources reported Tuesday. The sack lunch, which belonged to Stanton Elementary second grader Lucas Henderson and is said to have contained […]<br>The …<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/congress-plays-keep-away-with-childs-school-lunch/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/congress-plays-ke</span><span class="invisible">ep-away-with-childs-school-lunch/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>RFK Jr. Warns Mistress That Condoms Cause Autism</p><p>WASHINGTON—Claiming that 100% of users experienced dangerous side effects as a result of wearing the contraceptive device, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly paused an amorous moment Thursday to issue a dire warning to his mistress about condoms causing autism. “All of the increased cases of autism over the last decade can be traced to condom usage—at […]<br>The post RFK …<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-warns-mistress-that-condoms-cause-autism/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/rfk-jr-warns-mist</span><span class="invisible">ress-that-condoms-cause-autism/</span></a></p>
The Onion<p>Drawing Conclusions</p><p>The post Drawing Conclusions appeared first on The Onion.<br><a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>theonion</span></a><br><a href="https://theonion.com/drawing-conclusions/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">theonion.com/drawing-conclusio</span><span class="invisible">ns/</span></a></p>
FIAR Light<p><a href="https://med-mastodon.com/tags/Theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Theonion</span></a>? <a href="https://med-mastodon.com/tags/Borowitz" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Borowitz</span></a>? Cannot hold a candle to the psychotic satire of nazi christer creeps like Hegseth. (Or as I like to put it to them, today's satire is tomorrow's headline. ugh.)<br><a href="https://portside.org/video/2025-08-29/us-military-bans-men-girl-names-participating-combat" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">portside.org/video/2025-08-29/</span><span class="invisible">us-military-bans-men-girl-names-participating-combat</span></a></p>
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